A chat with a close friend recently has revealed some of the above. Listed below in no particular order are my irritations of the micro kind.
- The word ‘helmet‘. You are wearing a cycling hat – please don’t say helmet.
- ‘Bell-end’ – let’s just to with ‘end’ or ‘tip’
- ‘Alrighty‘ – just ‘alright’ is fine no need to add a bloody ‘y’
- Steering over-compensators – when you are turning right, unless you are driving an articulated lorry THERE IS NO NEED TO SWING OUT LEFT
- Putting two questions into one sentence that ask exactly the same thing e.g., Have you emptied the dishwasher have you? STRIKE
- Jeff Stelling – a surefire way to raise my blood pressure and not in a good way. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SHOUTING
- Crumbs – underfoot is the worst but equally the crumb-spatter which appears to be invisible to others following toast buttering. ARE YOU BLIND?
- Passive-aggression – ok that may fall into the ‘major’ category
- Hot dog sausages – they aren’t even a thing
- White pepper – why bother?
- Slip-on Sketchers – M or F equally vile.
- Scampi – not a real thing eat something proper
- Spitting in the street. Properly disgusting.
- Driving under the speed limit (or generally over-cautiously)
- “As far as I am aware” stop covering your ass and FIND OUT
- Starting a sentence with “At the end of the day“
- Not knowing the difference between they’re, there and their but even worse is….
- Too and to
- And don’t even get me started on ‘EXPRESSO”
Going for a lie-down
I came away to the Land of the Free with the full intention of studiously sorting out some amazingly witty & interesting blog posts, possibly getting some words down in what could potentially be my first book and generally having an intelligently productive holiday. None of that has happened and I’d say that’s pretty much entirely down to jet lag.
I used to think jet lag sounded glamorous, a first-worldly condition suffered by the affected fortunate few who graciously turned left when entering a transatlantic flight. ‘Man the hell up’ I thought or just have a ruddy good sleep and for the love of God stop boring us with your jet lag wining. All of that was until I first experienced it and almost as bad as the jet lag is the anxiety that goes with it. The sinking feeling which starts at 4pm ish (on Mountain Standard Time – MST) when you start thinking about your bed and feel the lids getting heavy.
I worry that I’ll never make it onto MST or will scrape in 2 days before the end of my holiday, all ready to physically jolt my body back to GMT. That’s the anxiety bit. Or the the guilt that I should be staying up until midnight because I’m on holiday right?!
The mere fact that I’m writing this at 4am shows that I’m still not over it! The underlying factor in jet lag is the massive disruption to our body’s circadian rhythms. These are the things we are programmed to do in a 24 hour period such as eating, sleeping, going to the loo etc. All of these things are suddenly thrown to the four winds when we fly across different time zones. Allegedly it takes a full day to recover from each time zone you cross. There is an expression…… west is best & east is a beast. I’ve just looked at a map (I hardly ever do that) and I think I’ve gone across seven!
1. Drink lots of water – boringly effective
2. Go with the ruddy flow & stop beating yourself up
3. Exercise – make yourself tired
4. Everyone says avoid alcohol but fuck it you’re on holiday! Enjoy it!
5. Write blogs in the night
Despite the jet lag battle….. it’s so worth it to be with the family and get some sun on my skin after the extraordinary start we have had to this year.
Happy Easter x
I thought I would write to you, hand on heart, with an excited skip in my step as we approach the end of both Dry January and Veganuary. I thought I would be literally gagging to get back to my wine and cheese habit but…. get this…. I’M NOT. Continue reading “Veganuary…. the results are in and it makes semi-interesting reading”
At this point in 2018 I have:
Continue reading “Smug bitch”
So by this point in the dive towards 50 I had expected to be two stone lighter, have been to Ibiza with one friend, Newquay with another and to Spain with the nipper. I have done NONE of it. Am I beating myself up about it? No, absolutely not.
Continue reading “Bearing down on 50”
As 50 looms ever closer (just over a month), I thought it was time to examine how my views have changed with age.
Continue reading “10 signs of ageing”