Exposure or expression? It’s all semantics.

I’m two blogs in so really I’ve only got my toes wet, and eager for feedback I’ve been asking those whose opinions matter to me to have a read of what I’ve put on here already and give me feedback. The results are in and it’s a unanimous vote of confidence for the LTTTE blog…… however…… yes HOWEVER, one question I been asked is why I would want to expose myself like this? When I have something on my mind it’s the thing that I spend my 4am time on. So here I am at 4.17am contemplating the exposing myself question.

Absolute top of my Life List always has been to own a horse (TICK).

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Second is to have a book (or story) published (NO TICK….. not even half a tick or a greyed out tick). I didn’t really find out until late 2014, early 2015 that writing was my ‘thing’ by which I mean it is both enjoyable to me and it seems to be well-received by the reader which in turn generated a feeling of worth and success inside me. I’d found it! My thing!

I was a broadly above average school student who has gone on to have a generally successful career but in retrospect there has been no particular direction or linear path to it. It has only been in the last 3 years that I’ve chosen to specialise in something professionally and found my focus personally. For some, a good example being my son, direction is so clear. A tiny maths genius even at primary school he is now in his fourth year of an MMath at Durham University and has just been given a place at Exeter to study his PhD in the field of algebraic number theory and arithmetic geometry (swear to god that second link could be in a different language), my point being he knows what his ‘thing’ is and it’s been blindingly obvious forever with him! Some people take the scenic route to get there – that’s me.

Sometimes motivation lacks, no matter how hard you try, you come up with a great idea but you just don’t have the energy to see it through. Or maybe you hit a bump in the road and lose momentum. Or maybe someone knocks you and you doubt yourself. These are all situations that can act as a success threat. Whether it’s luck, determination or just a following wind, my motivation and drive is ricocheting through me at the moment so undaunted by critique, time or doubt I am pressing on. I’m very aware of mortality, it’s a heightened state that makes me want to grab life by the neck or balls or whatever body part comes to hand first. Passivity is not an option or a route that I want to take.

I started two blogs before this one. One wasn’t suitable for the transparency of adding it to my social media platforms and the other was disjointed. I binned both. I don’t think being honest or revealing personal aspects of my life is exposing, if I ask myself would the person who I am writing about be pissed off if they read this? If I ask myself, is that how it really happened? If am true to events and to life then how can this be too much? I’m comfortable with what I want to say and how I want to say it.

Exposing or expressing? I choose the latter.

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Author: Lightly tacked to the Earth

The journey towards 50 and all the bits along the way that make it fun

One thought on “Exposure or expression? It’s all semantics.”

  1. I empathise with lots you say here. Firstly, I’ve been through a few blogs before my current one. I think that if you blog, you’re a writer or journalist but without the safety net and advice of an editor so it takes a while to find the right groove. I had a successful blog that didn’t really feel like ‘me’ and a ‘me’ blog that wasn’t successful! Hopefully this time I’ll achieve the balance. And as for the exposing/expressing dilemma, I agree, I chose expressing. Just vomiting up your emotions unedited is rarely helpful or interesting to anyone else. But taking those thoughts and feelings and putting them through a creative filter can result in something meaningful. And people don’t have to look if they don’t want to. Phew, sorry I wrote lots there! I should have made it a blog post!

    Liked by 1 person

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