How much control do you need?
It’s funny, I’ve just returned from a drive out with an elderly close relative. A lot of our directional choices were dictated by what sort of obstructions we ‘may’ possibly encounter. By this I mean perhaps circumstances that meant choices and options were removed and inherently less control was had by the driver. I’ve noticed this before with the aging driver, they lose confidence in their decisions and ability and so anticipate lack of control of the situation. Examples today include a predilection to use the park and ride due to clear (as it turned out wrong) vision of zero parking spaces at destination , not wishing to travel on B roads due to narrowness and certain impassable nature, anticipated lack of available parking at stop off point en route….. don’t get me wrong… I was ETERNALLY grateful (and I love her to bits) but I noticed a real change!
I’m like this with control in my routine. I like to know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it and I’m not a fan of surprises that have an impact on my arrangements. By arrangements I mean my daughters wish to be transported to school so as to not get sweaty due to polyester content of M&S non-iron school blouse when making the ascent to the school at the top of the hill. So I like control of my schedule, no one mess with my schedule.
Secondly, I like to ‘approve’ or at least be given reasonable notice (c. 1 month) for husband solo away trips (weekends). Granted most of these are NOT stag-style booze-fests, more training-related but even so these need prior approval in the agreed timeframe. I think he’s learned the hard way on this. NB: stag-style booze-fests would require prior negotiations which could involve compensatory dinner and gifts before clearance is granted.
Recently I was thinking about those who have a lot of control in their lives. It could of course become boring and unchallenging after a while and I’m pretty sure this is why people seek to reverse that control in some interesting and sometimes niche areas. It’s a commonplace stereotype to think of the powerful business mogul taking a good hard paddling at the hands of his favourite Domme (or Dom) during the afternoon when his (or her) diary says ‘offsite meeting with clients’.
Conversely looking at those with seemingly little control, you’ll recognise a pattern of social and authority distrust. A blaming of their lack of control on society, government, the justice system, social services yada yada yada. In fact often their perceived lack of control originates in a decision or choice made by them so flipping it back, their outward conjectures are better directed at themselves. Easier said than done.
Looking at me. I’m a bit of a control freak. There I said it. It’s not like you didn’t get that already right? I think it comes down to TRUST. If I trust someone I can give the control up (for a bit, not for good,….. as long as that’s clear). I’m probably quite annoying sometimes (not more than 50% of the time got it?) and there are probably a bunch of Freudian reasons why that is but the world needs people like me!! But it also needs people like YOU. And sometimes we can switch it up and change places right? See….. I’m letting go……