First world niggles

Maybe it’s because I’ve decided to give up booze for May and now have a low irritation threshold, or maybe it’s just because I’m a short-tempered hormonal woman but I can’t be alone in having these irritations. Things that just get under your skin and bug you when you happen across them. I’ve decided to commit mine to the written word for eternity (I will be hoist by my own petard at some point). For me, even with the passage of time the list below remains current:

Decorated, hand-painted wine glasses – this one here is a perfect example of a mass-produced version:IMG_0913
Some rather inventive sorts with far too much time on their hands are producing far more ‘individual’ versions, I believe they can even be tailored to the purchaser’s requirements. I blame NOTHS for making us believe we are all artists. Oh what a joy. For the record, wine glasses look like this:

wine-1585337_1280

Keys on a lanyard hanging out of boys pockets – ok, I get it, you don’t want to lose those keys to VW Golf with the fat exhaust but it’s just such a chavvy cliché! Stop it at once.

Smoking in the street or anywhere really – it’s just not fashionable, big or clever and it stinks. No one wants to kiss you and you make their clothing smell. Cease and desist right now.

cigarettes-83571_1280

Anything hanging off or attached to your belt – I’ve long experienced displeasure at seeing either a phone or keys clipped onto belts. Pockets or bags just will not do for you will they? No. Better safely carabiner that bastard to your belt, you never know when you might go rock-climbing or sky-diving and the risk of it falling out is HUGE.

Asking me if you can ASK me a question – you already did, you know who you are Laura.

Not saying thank you – it’s rude. OK?

Shopping trolley dithering – I had the misfortune to be caught behind someone exiting the store with no clear idea of where her car was or indeed what she wanted in life. Weaving around with sudden and unpredictable changes of direction are hard to safely navigate around with a week’s worth of shopping and wine on board (me not her). Completely away with the fairies. Sort it lady.

Pessimism – don’t bring us down with your bad vibes and negative outlook and please don’t feel the need to share.

Cold feet – all bloody year around. Wine has impaired my circulation.

Lying – I can tell when you’re lying, I’m an expert in my field.

Bad parking – all my life I have been appalled by selfish parkers. You need to get ALL FOUR of your wheels between those white lines dear. The irony of this is that I have actually become a bad parker with age and failing eyesight. Hands up…. it’s me. My car actually feels a lot bigger than it actually is (a problem normally only found in men).

Dogs off leads on the cycle path – whether I’m running or cycling, I don’t want to (a) trip over your dog or (b) kill it. Please keep it under control.

Panties – oh I LOATHE this word. Knickers ….. or if you must use a ‘P’ word and you are not American then ‘pants’ will do. I can trace the origins of this back to an old GP who would ask for their removal for the most mundane of procedures (blood pressure…. YES REALLY).

‘Alrighty’ – ALRIGHT, ok, yes of course NOT ‘alrighty’ under any circumstances.

I feel so much better for getting that off my chest!

 

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Author: Lightly tacked to the Earth

The journey towards 50 and all the bits along the way that make it fun

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