From Amalfi with love

I had never considered Italy as a holiday option until 2016. Granted I had spent a brief second honeymoon in Milan but had swiftly glossed over the rest of the country for some bizarre reason.

I am often criticised for my lack of geographical prowess and random thought patterns but when choosing our holiday for 2017 my overriding thought was….. where are the terrorists most unlikely to strike. Rightly or wrongly I decided that a country that had its own Mafia would be a safer option.

IMG_2305Originally I was all set on getting as close to the M-action as I could and was looking at either Sicily or Sardinia but for one reason or another we settled on the mainland and booked a week in Maiori, a couple of hours from Naples. So here we go with another listicle on the delights that Amalfi has to offer:

  1. Brace yourself for budgie smuggling on an epic scale and in frighteningly bright colours, on every age of man with EVERY size of budgie
  2. Bikinis on every shape and size, and worn with PRIDE (go girls)
  3. Lemon walk over a steep mountain with some locally produced lemonade offered in a barely sanitary bottle but the amount of sugar contained within precluding germ growth
  4. Beaches – it is not free to sunbathe on the beach. I’ll explain…. there was only one beach that we found which was free to use, i.e., you didn’t have to pay for a sunbed. It was the furthest away from anything and was pretty dirty. All of the others are accessed via a bar and you have to pay. If you are not Italian you will probably get the rubbish sunbeds near the back of the beach
  5. Pompeii – worth a gander but you’ll be back on the Coast Road again (see point 6).
  6. The coast road. It’s beautiful, it’s picturesque, it’s scary as hell and features on this website. It’s protected Might I offer some advice? If you don’t like heights, erratic fast driving or hairpin bends you have four choices:
    • Take Valium
    • Sit on the inside of the coach (remembering they drive on the right) and take Valium
    • Close your eyes after taking Valium
    • Don’t go anywhere near the coast road
  7. On taking to the seas…..if you decide to hire a boat and go off piste with your
    nearest ¬†and dearest in tow (i.e., you’re now responsible for them living or dying) its worth considering what emergency supplies you have on board. I offer these suggestions are a bare minimum:

    • Knife
    • Flares
    • First aid kit
    • Dry bags
    • Extra food and water
    • Sunscreen
    • Anti-sickness meds
    • Loudhailer
    • Back up phone battery pack and lead
    • Binoculars
    • Boat shoes

IMG_2322

It really is a great place to go, I would highly recommend it and the food was amazing!

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Author: Lightly tacked to the Earth

The journey towards 50 and all the bits along the way that make it fun

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