Preparation of the little one – Phase 1 : Corned beef pie

I had a brief and alarming thought this week that I’m not sure if my daughter could survive in the outside world without me (or other adult help). Let me quantify this. What I mean is that in just over a year there is a very likely possibility that she will leave home to go to university or similar and I wonder if she is ready.

Continue reading “Preparation of the little one – Phase 1 : Corned beef pie”

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Phase 3

At what age do we really know who we are? Funny thing, we think we do at any age, from the naivety of teenage years to the perceived wisdom of our twenties through the dawning of our own mortality we gain in our thirties and forties and realisation of our truth in our fifties and beyond. Maybe. Continue reading “Phase 3”

Micro-irritations

A chat with a close friend recently has revealed some of the above. Listed below in no particular order are my irritations of the micro kind.

  1. The word ‘helmet‘. You are wearing a cycling hat – please don’t say helmet.

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  1. ‘Bell-end’ – let’s just to with ‘end’ or ‘tip’
  2. Alrighty‘ – just ‘alright’ is fine no need to add a bloody ‘y’
  3. Steering over-compensators – when you are turning right, unless you are driving an articulated lorry THERE IS NO NEED TO SWING OUT LEFT
  4. Putting two questions into one sentence that ask exactly the same thing e.g., Have you emptied the dishwasher have you? STRIKE
  5. Jeff Stelling – a surefire way to raise my blood pressure and not in a good way. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SHOUTING
  6. Crumbs – underfoot is the worst but equally the crumb-spatter which appears to be invisible to others following toast buttering. ARE YOU BLIND?
  7. Passive-aggression – ok that may fall into the ‘major’ category
  8. Hot dog sausages – they aren’t even a thing
  9. White pepper – why bother?
  10. Slip-on Sketchers – M or F equally vile.Screen Shot 2018-04-18 at 16.46.49
  11. Scampi – not a real thing eat something proper
  12. Spitting in the street. Properly disgusting.
  13. Driving under the speed limit (or generally over-cautiously)
  14. As far as I am aware” stop covering your ass and FIND OUT
  15. Starting a sentence with “At the end of the day
  16. Not knowing the difference between they’re, there and their but even worse is….
  17. Too and to
  18. And don’t even get me started on ‘EXPRESSO”

Going for a lie-down

 

x

There’s something about…… JET LAG

I came away to the Land of the Free with the full intention of studiously sorting out some amazingly witty & interesting blog posts, possibly getting some words down in what could potentially be my first book and generally having an intelligently productive holiday. None of that has happened and I’d say that’s pretty much entirely down to jet lag.

I used to think jet lag sounded glamorous, a first-worldly condition suffered by the affected fortunate few who graciously turned left when entering a transatlantic flight. ‘Man the hell up’ I thought or just have a ruddy good sleep and for the love of God stop boring us with your jet lag wining. All of that was until I first experienced it and almost as bad as the jet lag is the anxiety that goes with it. The sinking feeling which starts at 4pm ish (on Mountain Standard Time – MST) when you start thinking about your bed and feel the lids getting heavy.

I worry that I’ll never make it onto MST or will scrape in 2 days before the end of my holiday, all ready to physically jolt my body back to GMT. That’s the anxiety bit. Or the the guilt that I should be staying up until midnight because I’m on holiday right?!

The mere fact that I’m writing this at 4am shows that I’m still not over it! The underlying factor in jet lag is the massive disruption to our body’s circadian rhythms. These are the things we are programmed to do in a 24 hour period such as eating, sleeping, going to the loo etc. All of these things are suddenly thrown to the four winds when we fly across different time zones. Allegedly it takes a full day to recover from each time zone you cross. There is an expression…… west is best & east is a beast. I’ve just looked at a map (I hardly ever do that) and I think I’ve gone across seven!

My tips:

1. Drink lots of water – boringly effective

2. Go with the ruddy flow & stop beating yourself up

3. Exercise – make yourself tired

4. Everyone says avoid alcohol but fuck it you’re on holiday! Enjoy it!

5. Write blogs in the night

Despite the jet lag battle….. it’s so worth it to be with the family and get some sun on my skin after the extraordinary start we have had to this year.

Happy Easter x

For the love of Gin…… give the tonic snobbery a rest

After a long hot day who doesn’t love to enjoy something cool, fizzy and refreshing to kick off the evening? I’ve been a fan of gin since my early 20’s when choices were limited and accompaniments traditionally amounted to Schwepps tonic, ice and perhaps lemon if you were out out. Continue reading “For the love of Gin…… give the tonic snobbery a rest”

Tick Tick Tick….

Let’s talk about eggs.

Most eggs have a sell-by date, you know they are good for maybe up to a week after that but can be extremely offensive thereafter…… kind of like a woman whose eggs are going off….. at MENOPAUSE!

Now gentlemen, don’t look away….. this is for you. Continue reading “Tick Tick Tick….”