I had a brief and alarming thought this week that I’m not sure if my daughter could survive in the outside world without me (or other adult help). Let me quantify this. What I mean is that in just over a year there is a very likely possibility that she will leave home to go to university or similar and I wonder if she is ready.
A chat with a close friend recently has revealed some of the above. Listed below in no particular order are my irritations of the micro kind.
- The word ‘helmet‘. You are wearing a cycling hat – please don’t say helmet.
- ‘Bell-end’ – let’s just to with ‘end’ or ‘tip’
- ‘Alrighty‘ – just ‘alright’ is fine no need to add a bloody ‘y’
- Steering over-compensators – when you are turning right, unless you are driving an articulated lorry THERE IS NO NEED TO SWING OUT LEFT
- Putting two questions into one sentence that ask exactly the same thing e.g., Have you emptied the dishwasher have you? STRIKE
- Jeff Stelling – a surefire way to raise my blood pressure and not in a good way. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SHOUTING
- Crumbs – underfoot is the worst but equally the crumb-spatter which appears to be invisible to others following toast buttering. ARE YOU BLIND?
- Passive-aggression – ok that may fall into the ‘major’ category
- Hot dog sausages – they aren’t even a thing
- White pepper – why bother?
- Slip-on Sketchers – M or F equally vile.
- Scampi – not a real thing eat something proper
- Spitting in the street. Properly disgusting.
- Driving under the speed limit (or generally over-cautiously)
- “As far as I am aware” stop covering your ass and FIND OUT
- Starting a sentence with “At the end of the day“
- Not knowing the difference between they’re, there and their but even worse is….
- Too and to
- And don’t even get me started on ‘EXPRESSO”
Going for a lie-down
So by this point in the dive towards 50 I had expected to be two stone lighter, have been to Ibiza with one friend, Newquay with another and to Spain with the nipper. I have done NONE of it. Am I beating myself up about it? No, absolutely not.
Let’s talk about eggs.
Most eggs have a sell-by date, you know they are good for maybe up to a week after that but can be extremely offensive thereafter…… kind of like a woman whose eggs are going off….. at MENOPAUSE!
Now gentlemen, don’t look away….. this is for you. Continue reading “Tick Tick Tick….”
Sliding towards 50
In 253 days I reach a HUGE milestone birthday……. 50. This doesn’t fill me with as much dread as those of you not in such close proximity will imagine. Continue reading “It’s all about the countdown “